Taskmaster is one of the more unusual shows around. The concept is that a quintet of British comedians are set a series of extravagant tasks. They are then rewarded for their efforts according to the whims of Greg Davies, the nation’s tallest comedian and Taskmaster. Since the show appears on commercial television, there are a bunch of intermissions for commercials in each episode. For the corresponding bumpers, the creators of the show always try to make some nice little tableaux. That’s where we come in.
For this particular episode, they decided to show the Taskmaster playing black against his assistant, Little Alex Horne. The first time we see the game, black has moved his c-pawn to the fifth rank and white has done nothing at all. We see him play h3 and then, after black has gone a6, sink in deep thought until the Taskmaster gets impatient and the commercial break is over. 1
Black shouldn’t start the game and white shouldn’t answer with 1. … h3 to 1. c5, but the second intermission is when the real horror sets in: 2
Black is knocking all the white pawns off the board with his king and the self-assured meanness he exudes throughout the show. Only a moment later, we see the starting position of the Sicilian. There is more horror now, because they’ve set up the black pieces on the first two ranks and the white ones on the last two. And then black just takes the white king and eats it!3
After such a display, even this position from the final intermission is a relief:
And that’s a bloody bad sign, because this position is ridiculous! Black has played six moves and white only four. But I guess the taskmaster is always a few steps ahead of his assistant.4
Realism: 0/5 & 1/5 The tasks on Taskmaster tend to get a little outlandish, but they’re nothing compared to this.
Probable winner: The Taskmaster, obviously. His assistant wouldn’t dare to beat him.
1. [Nowadays it’s all about the commercial SUVs.] ↩
2. [If they ever have a chess diagram editing task, this will be the winner.] ↩
3. [No doubt referencing horrifying end of the brothers De Witt.] ↩
4. [Or perhaps they’ve taken the same amount of steps but the Taskmaster’s legs are just much longer.] ↩