Every year, there are a few momentous events that make their way in the historical canon. For 1977, these include the worst aviation disaster ever, the release of Star wars, the death of Elvis Presley, and the last case of smallpox was reported. And the worst vinyl cover ever was released. It was unleashed in France by EMI and was purportedly designed to sell a three-disc compilation album entitled Dance for ever.1
What could possibly entice someone to dance for ever to such classics as The Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann, Cliff Richard’s Living doll, or Bill Haley’s Rock around the clock? Why, a picture of a chessboard, of course! A chessboard with a red rim around it and the maddest position in history clearly on display for all to see.
Here it is:2
I think the designer mistook ‘running away shrieking in fear’ for ‘dancing’. Why else would you construct such a monstrosity? Because you’re composing a retrograde analysis problem, would be the obvious answer — but it doesn’t hold up. There is no interesting retrograde content here, because the position is obviously impossible.
Clearly, it’s black to move since he’s in check. But how could the d7 bishop have given that check? It has no possible previous move. But there’s another, more insidious way that the position is impossible: the white h-pawns must have captured at least three pieces,3 but there are only two missing.
Realism: 0/5 No! No! That’s not true! That’s impossible! In a variety of ways! Which are obvious!
Probable winner: The enemies of dance. It’s a miracle that people were still boogieing after 1977. They probably didn’t make enough copies of this album to reach real her immunity.
1. [Which is a very poor idea. One should at least set some time aside for eating, sleeping, and reading about chess in popular culture.] ↩
2. [The main picture is basically a diagram already, so this one is just here as an excuse to link to the best diagram editor out there.] ↩
3. [To say nothing about the f-pawn.] ↩