Kids these days may not know it, but almost twenty years ago the fledgling internet was abuzz with a memes, pictures, and quotes from a new American sitcom about a bunch of socially awkward physicists sharing a room and life’s troubles. Ten years after that, that show had become a zombie, shambling on out of inertia, being watched out of habit.1 It is in this posthumous state that we meet up with The big bang theory again.
By this time, one of the physicists is married to the pretty waitress from next door. Their relationship is, unsurprisingly, a bit of a shambles, but the physicist get along just like always. And when physicists get along, they play chess.
Sheldon has white, Leonard has black, I have the position here: 2
Leonard is bothered for a move. The two most natural candidates, Bxd4+ and Bxf6, don’t seem to occur to him. He first takes the b8 rook in hand and holds it menacingly above the d8 square, like the sword over Dionysius’ throne.
Sheldon: If you do that, I’ll win in eight moves.
I don’t think that there’s a mate in eight moves,3 but Sheldon could just take the queen, of course. Leonard then tries his luck with b4, of all moves, but Sheldon is not impressed:
Sheldon: I’ll win in five moves.
Frustrated by the fruitless hunt for his braincell, Leonard finally settles on the worst move in the position: Bh6. He immediately and anticlimactically gets mated in a fine example of the small whimper theory.
Realism: 1/5 This chess scene was kindly pointed out to me a faithful reader. He even included a reconstruction, which has the bishop on a6 instead of b6. Alas, you sweet summer child! You still expect too much from directors; the bishop really is on b6.4
Probable winner: White. After thirty or so years, Sheldon finally found a mate.
1. [A couple years after that, it would even get featured on a blog about chess in popular culture.] ↩
2. [My theory is that this diagram editor gives the biggest bang for your buck.] ↩
3. [Not a forced one, at least. Perhaps Sheldon is counting on Leonard blundering — which, admittedly, seems likely enough.] ↩
4. [Or perhaps you expect too much from bishops.] ↩