To me, Fiido sounds like someone has lost his dog and is now calling for it everywhere, 1 hoping against all hope that it will come running out of the bush any moment now. But apparently it’s a brand of e-bikes. And in this Christmas season, even e-bike manufacturers try to make seasonal television advertisements. So, last year, Fiido launched a commercial about a kid, his granddad, and their holiday traditions. These involve matching Christmas sweaters, high-five fake-outs and, most importantly, chess.
The first sign of chess occurs after some forty seconds. The boy and his grandfather are sitting at a table, wearing their matching Christmas sweaters, a decorated Christmas tree in the background, Christmas lights everywhere, butchering our beautiful game:2
Yes, this is the position. I’m pretty sure they forgot they were filming in mirror view. But even if account for that the position is more than weird: black has two bishops more and only a single piece has been developed, despite the fact that the forces have been decimated. Yet, my verdict of the position is quite clement: the old man is simply explaining to his grandson how the pieces go. Not much later, he seems to be teaching him how to checkmate with king and rook versus king. It’s all very idyllic.
But this is not how you tug at heartstrings, of course. You need some drama! So we see how on a later Christmas visit, the boy completely ignores his grandfather in favour of his phone. He doesn’t even want to play chess any more. Later again, the boy get a call from his mum that gramps is in the hospital. And so sets off, biking to the dark, wintery weather on his Fiido — which he parks right in front of the hospital door, incidentally3 — to visit him. Once more, he takes out the matching Christmas sweaters. Once more he sets up the chessmen. Once more there’s a high-five fake-out.
And then he plays 1.a4! What cruelty! What disrespect for the poor man’s hobby! What condescension for his skill! So there’s the gist: you, too, can become a contemptible prick — for only €999!
Realism: 1/5 I would have been inclined to give more, because of the innocuous explaining-the-rules explanation, but the ending just put me in Scrooge-mode.
Probable winner: I’d be very happy with black here. Two extra bishops? God bless us, every one!
1. [Fiido, have you been making nonsensical holiday season ads again?] ↩
2. [I used the sharpest butcher’s knife.] ↩
3. [Very unrealistic! That’s what those people on electrical steps do.] ↩