After seeing the title, you’re perhaps thinking I have finally run out of material and have decided to start complaining that random body parts don’t come featured with perfect depictions of realistic chess positions.1 But no. Nek is an Italian singer and Laura non c’è was his big breakthrough.single which conquered the world, or at least the hit charts in a good handful of European countries, in 1997. In most of those countries, it was also his farewell to pop success. The premise of the song is that the singer is in a relationship but he’s still pining for his ex.
Most of music video’s three or so minutes show Nek playing the guitar and complaining that Laura isn’t there and that I’m in her place — a claim I emphatically reject — but near the end we can spot him playing chess with a young lady. Whether it’s Laura or his unnamed current lover is not clear, but fortunately not relevant either.
Sadly, back in the nineties, music videos were shot on potatoes. Moreover, the director spends more time than reasonable on Nek’s blue eyes and far les on the chessboard. Consequently, my reconstruction is dubious.2
The queen’s side is clearly visible, and the positions of the pieces are probably all correct, but most of the pieces’ identities are highly suspicious. But it doesn’t matter at all: the board is definitely set up wrongly. And even if it weren’t, the weird construction on the queen’s side, with the knight on c4, would be enough to damn the position — and everyone involved in its construction.
And this, my dear Nek, is why Laura left you.3 Magari c’è un altro accanto a lei, yes indeed, qualcuno che non insulta gli dei I bet. If you had not profaned our beautiful game in such a vile fashion, she would still be there, playing the giuoco piano with you.4
Realism: 1/5 This is a disaster. I’m mostly disappointed by the fact that I can’t even give it the zero it so richly deserves.
Probable winner: White, I guess, but everybody who manages to reach this position is liable to mess it up.
1. [Probably not though. I’d be very weird if you did.] ↩
2. [This diagram editor is the Nek plus ultra.] ↩
3. [This is also why had no more hits, I’m sure.] ↩
4. [Instead you lost your queen — like a patzer!] ↩